Thinking Beyond Bubble Baths: The Importance of Self-Care and Self-Love

Throughout my professional training as a therapist, the concepts of self-care and self-love were discussed at length as essential for longevity in the helping profession. At the time, I related to these concepts with a sense of ambiguity and ambivalence. They felt like abstract therapy jargon that wasn’t meant for me. However, as I entered the field and began to experience the mental toll that therapy can take on providers, I soon came to understand their importance. I realized that self-love and self-care were things I needed to prioritize—and quickly. 

What is Self-Care and Self-Love? 

Many of the people I talk to now feel similar to how I did in grad school when discussing these concepts. Self-care and self-love are often treated as secondary priorities—something to get to when there’s time, after everything else on the list is done. Or worse, they are used as an excuse for addictive behaviors, such as excessive online shopping in the name of retail therapy or binge-watching the latest Netflix show. So, what is true self-care and self-love? What would it look like to prioritize them the same way we prioritize going to work, brushing our teeth, and all the other daily responsibilities we manage? 

Definitions 

Self-care is defined as “the act of attending to one’s physical or mental health” and “the practices used to comfort or soothe oneself.” Self-love is defined as “the instinct by which one’s actions are directed toward the promotion of one’s own welfare or well-being.” 

By these definitions, a Netflix binge that leaves us feeling numb and disconnected could be considered self-care if it soothes us in the short term. However, I would like to propose amending these definitions to focus on our long-term well-being. What are the practices that bring us lasting and sustainable comfort and well-being? 

Sustainable Self-Care 

When we think about self-care as a necessity for achieving our goals, giving back to our communities, and showing up as our best selves in life, what often arises isn’t a need for a better skincare routine or a bubble bath, but rather more challenging changes—such as finding a healthy way to release stress and learning to set boundaries with our time. Self-care means tuning into our needs, listening to them, and acting. Let’s explore some ways to put this into practice:

1. Acting in Alignment with Your Values: Reflect on a time in the last week when you felt most aligned with your true self. What were you doing? Who were you with? How did it feel in your body? When we act in alignment with our true selves and our true values, we build self-worth and self-esteem, and we feel more energized in our lives. Intentionally taking time to notice these moments can allow us to identify ways we can bring more authenticity and alignment into our lives. 
2. Setting Boundaries: Therapists talk about boundaries often because of their significant impact on well-being. Boundaries allow individuals to reclaim their energy and reduce feelings of resentment and burnout. Simply put, boundaries make it clear what is okay and what is not okay for you. To identify where you may need to set clearer boundaries, start by pinpointing areas where you feel resentment. Resentment is a sign that we are acting out of alignment with our true selves and that our needs are not being met. Establishing boundaries in these areas is an act of self-love and self-care with lasting positive effects. 
3. Taking Care of Your Future Self: Thinking about your future self is a simple way to differentiate between unhealthy and healthy coping strategies and to identify what actions are truly self-care. You can ask yourself, “What would the future version of me, who has mastered self-care, think about this situation?” or “What will my future self be thankful I did now?” Connecting with our future self, who has already solved the challenges we are facing, allows us to tap into our inner wisdom. The more we connect with our future self, the easier it becomes to build self-care habits, such as incorporating sustainable movement into our lives, getting enough sleep, or spending time with those we love. 

These are just a few ways to begin identifying lasting changes that build long-term self-care habits. Challenging ourselves to think beyond bubble baths when we consider self-care can help us develop a deeper appreciation for the importance of prioritizing our needs. I hope this inspires more sustainable self-care practices that allow you to show up as your best self.